REGRETS AND ADVICE

A special person in my life (a very long time ago) once told me to only confide my secrets and problems to people who can help me. The thought being; I am only wasting my time going around confiding to people who cannot possibly clarify the problem, or worse still; who will give me harmful advice. I think that is such great counsel and at times in my life, I have disregarded those wise words; given to me so many years ago. I think sometimes we just want to vent and in doing so, we may confide in the wrong people. As humans, we expect people to show empathy for whatever tribulation we are going through. Sadly, that is not always the case….some people are not capable of dispensing the advice you may need at the time, or incapable of showing compassion for what you are feeling. There are even those, who will use your vulnerability against you.

To me, one of the saddest words in the dictionary is regret. Because, despite how much regret you feel for a past mistake or occurrence in your life, you cannot go back and change it. You just have to accept the situation and try to live in the present and carry on. One of my regrets relates to the previous paragraph…trusting and taking advice from people who were incapable of helping me or simply did not want to. I am not referring to random people, because you do have to have some personal history with someone before you are willing to share confidences. Because I am such an empathetic person, I sometimes assume, most people are the same. There are times in my life when I have ignored my God-given intuition, much to my regret. Friends can be helpful, but I would say, therapy can be even more beneficial if you can afford it. I know therapists are sometimes frowned upon, especially in certain cultures. What I would say is: “Would you ask a mechanic to fix your teeth?” Sometimes you just need professional, objective advice when dealing with a difficult issue or a life changing event.

One of the most profound statements I ever heard is from the late Maya Angelou:  “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” I think that is amazing advice. Unfortunately some of us ignore that first warning sign. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and at some point, they let something slip and a little bell goes off in your head? You feel you know this person very well and prior to that, everything seemed great, so you let it slide. That bell is your intuition (or God, depending on your belief system) trying to get your attention. To quote Ms. Angelou; “believe them the first time.” I think as women especially, we tend to give people second, and sometimes even third chances….don’t – go with your gut. As I always now say to a very good friend of mine….”life is about self-preservation.” There are times in your life, when you just have to be totally selfish and protect yourself. Yes, sometimes selfish is OK. Remember, you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions. So, I will repeat Maya Angelou’s sage advice: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Save yourself living with the aftermath of hindsight….regret.