Memories….”What’s Too Painful To Remember, We Simply Choose To Forget”

There are only two people I have known in my life who by merely a simple action or word, could  make me feel that everything would be OK. Sadly; both of these individuals are no longer on this earth. I lost both of them several years ago. One was my father and the other was my husband. Both these men had similar qualities in many ways….the most similar being that ability to offer reassurance in the face of uncertainty and crisis. During these very uncertain times, I think of both of them often and miss their wisdom and kindness. Indeed, Covid-19 has brought back many memories I have tried to suppress in the last few years. I harken back to words from that beautiful Barbara Streisand classic song….’The Way We Were’ in my post title.

On a recent day as I tried to go about my daily routine, some of these memories flooded my brain. There is so much time for reflection lately, because frankly – there is only so much you can do when in lockdown. You try to keep busy, still….there are few options to fully immerse yourself in. So….my memories sometimes takes me to places I prefer to leave locked away, only to revisit when I feel fully able. One such memory that I could not escape in this time of Coronavirus was from 17 years ago when I was very ill and had to have major surgery. It so happened that period in my life coincided with the SARS outbreak, which incidentally is a close cousin to Covid-19. I remember how difficult it was to be ill and also having to worry about contracting SARS while in a hospital. The city I lived in at the time…Toronto….was hit particularly hard by the outbreak. Luckily, most of the world was spared severe outbreaks

My late husband was a tower of strength during this time. He kept me calm leading up to my surgery date. I remember we would drive to a huge park near where we lived and when we got there….we would find a secluded spot, so I was not close to people. It was a way for me to get out of the house and get some fresh air and also take my mind off my illness. Unlike what we are going through now with Covid, there was no lockdown, nonetheless; you had to be careful when around people. Especially someone like me who was scheduled to have surgery. You could not exhibit any cold or flu symptoms or the surgery would be postponed. A major difference between SARS and Covid-19 is; SARS was transmitted when a patient was symptomatic. Those were trying times and I never for a moment thought, almost 20 years later, I would be experiencing something similar. In this case, with a virus much more communicable, and a disease that has affected the entire world. In this instance, my ‘rock’ is no longer with me, to offer words of reassurance and that indomitable feeling ….you and me in this together.

As with the case of Covid-19, if you were admitted to a hospital during that time, you were isolated and had to endure whatever you were going through….alone. My husband dropped me off at the hospital and I only saw him again when I was discharged a week later. I was allowed to speak to him on the telephone during my initial recovery, after my surgery at the hospital. Yet; as can be imagined, it was an incredibly difficult time.  As with Coronavirus today, the nurses and doctors did their best to compensate for the absence of visits by your loved ones. I still remember to this day one of the nurses assigned to me who was especially kind. She would comb my hair and chat with me and was very comforting.  I empathize very much with anyone who has contracted this awful virus, especially if they required hospitalization and also anyone who is in a hospital setting during this time.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I also often think of my dear, departed father in these challenging times. He always had a smile on his face and again….always ready and willing to offer words of comfort. When the weight of the world seems to be on my shoulders and I wonder….when will this end?, he crosses my mind. I am sure there were times he felt distress at events in his own life, but he always tried to appear optimistic and always reassuring when he spoke with you, whether on the telephone or in person.

I am sure I am not the only one experiencing these flashbacks to better times and to people who maybe are no longer in our lives, people who gave us so much strength, just simply by being on this earth. The whole world is experiencing an unprecedented time in our history. This time of quarantine and lockdown is creating mental anguish for many. I watch the daily news and sometimes become overwhelmed by the amount of sadness and loss in the world presently. Nevertheless; we have to do what is necessary and live with hope that we will come out of this stronger and with new perspectives. We have to rely on our faith that we will get through this. We will persevere. Condolences to everyone who has lost a loved one during this health crisis.