Timely Advice

I was watching the May 18th, 2021 episode of This Is Us with a family member recently. This is not a series I had followed much prior to the pandemic. But lately, I have watched a few episodes and it is quite good, I must say. The writing is very precise and realistic. It sometimes seems like a conversation you should and can have with people in your life. During one scene, the character of Beth, played by the actress Susan Kelechi Watson was speaking to Mandy Moore’s character, Rebecca. Beth was at a crossroads in her life, because in the prior week’s episode, she had lost her dance studio, due to Covid. Rebecca is Beth’s mother-in-law in the series. To paraphrase; Beth was telling Rebecca that she had gotten a job offer with a large dance conservatory, but was unsure if to accept it. She felt she wasn’t suited to the environment, and was explaining why she felt this way. Rebecca advised her she can take the job and change the system from within, because she is such a force. Beth’s face lit up, because in that moment, she got the advice and encouragement she needed to hear. It became clear to her what she needed to do. As it turned out, it’s not just Beth that benefited from this conversation, so did Rebecca. Giving is a two-way street as I always say. You have to watch the episode to find out more.

Mandy Moore and Susan Kelechi Watson – This Is Us, NBC

I watched that scene and was blown away. Blown away, because it was so real. I turned to my relative and said…”this is a good show and so well written.” Sometimes in life, we just need one person to believe in us and to say what we need to hear, at that critical point in time.” It makes the difference between taking a bad turn or going down the right path. Unfortunately, sometimes people in our lives, whether friends or family, do not realize this. Some folks listen, but offer no tangible feedback. I sometimes wonder if they view your life as entertainment. Some people, unlike Rebecca, appear to be incapable of saying what you need to hear at that juncture in your life. People who can give you timely advice at those critical moments in life are treasures. That is really a gift when someone realizes; you are struggling and sometimes without actually saying it, you are reaching out for help.

I try to be cognizant of the fact, when I am having a conversation with someone, that something I may inadvertently say, can affect their life adversely. Or, even something I omit saying. Especially; if that person trusts you. I’m not saying we are all now therapists. But, isn’t it your responsibility as a friend, family member, confidante, to do your utmost to lead someone down the least treacherous path? Isn’t that the reason we sometimes bare our souls to people we know? We wish to get some sort of feedback that can steer us in the right direction. I also try to share some knowledge I have gained from my life experiences, and making mistakes in my own life. Similar to what I do with this blog.

Some advice: if you are unsure what to say or incapable of giving helpful feedback, just admit that is the case. Advise the person…to sleep on the problem or give it some more thought, before coming to a decision. Or, if they can, discuss it with another trusted person. By no means, offer off-the-cuff, reckless advice. Of course there are light-hearted occasions in all relationships, but in everyone’s life, there are moments when you may reach out to someone for some clarity. Of course, you don’t want the person to make the decision for you. Ultimately, that’s something you have to do. But, in those moments, you reach out to someone who you hope can see the situation more objectively, and provide some insight you might have missed. Just like Rebecca was able to do with Beth.